WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
