Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
