I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
