I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
