As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
