My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
