You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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