hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
