when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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