look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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