So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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