Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
