dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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