I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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