I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
