Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
