i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
