You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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