I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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