We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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