But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Im part way to drunk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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