he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
