I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
