i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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