is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
