I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
