i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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