so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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