I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dignity is for republicans.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
