i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Are we still banned from the library?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
