everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
