that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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