we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
