You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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