I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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