you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
