Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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