I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
