im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
