you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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