You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
