Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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