It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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