my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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