There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
