im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
