so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
