sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
