You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
