If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
