so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
