Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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