I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
