Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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