i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
