I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and she was petting her beer can
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
