So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
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I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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