i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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