my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
