normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
