well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Boobs speak an international language.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
