My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
