mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I could fuck to npr.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
