is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
