sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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