I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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I just found puke in my bra..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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