The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
