Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
