Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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