If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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