Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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