I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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