just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
