I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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