Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
