The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
